Why is life so fragile?

He had turned a blind eye to the passing of more lives than he could count. There was blood on his own hands, and lives without number had been ended by them. When it came to the life and death of other people, he had lost all feeling for it long ago. Death, to him, was no more than the destination every life is bound to reach — only some reach it sooner and some later.

But holding the girl in his arms as her life ebbed away, he felt for the first time what a cruel thing death is.

If life exists, why must illness also exist? Why must death…

His hands were still gripping closed without his meaning them to, sending out sound after sound of bone grinding on bone. He lifted his face, eyes shut, toward the sky… In his whole life, he had only ever shed tears for his parents, for his brother, and for Xian’er. Whatever else happened, at any other time, he would never allow himself a single tear.

But this girl who had been with him less than a day — holding her frail body as the last of her life slipped away — he very nearly could not hold his tears in. And in his heart the pain was such that it took his breath.

He had more strength than ordinary people, far more — so why were there still so many things in this world beyond him… He had said he would bring her home healthy, so why could he do nothing but hold her and feel her… slip away like this.

She was so good, so utterly pure. She was like a crystal girl heaven had sent as a gift to this earth that was filthy everywhere… so why call her back so soon?

He held Chenxue tight, tighter still, sheltering that soft, slight body wholly inside his arms, never letting it be touched by anything in this dust-ridden world again. For a very long time his body stayed exactly so, holding her, like something turned to stone, as if he wanted to go on quietly keeping her company this way. And perhaps — perhaps she truly was a girl who had never belonged to this world, and that was why heaven was calling her back in such a hurry.

Xue’er. If there is a next life, I will use everything I have to find you, and keep you at my side, and never let anything hurt you again…

Time passed second by second. Apart from the wind and the insects there was nothing to hear, not even a breath. Every second was a pain like ten thousand arrows going through Ye Tianxie’s heart. There was no telling how long it had been when a small, hesitant voice broke the silence.

“… Master, are you sad?” Guoguo appeared before him, sensing Ye Tianxie’s mood, and asked it very carefully, very carefully indeed. Guoguo had always been able to feel Ye Tianxie’s moods clearly, and her own went with his. When his was good she would seize the moment and make all kinds of unreasonable demands on him; when he was unhappy she was clever enough to stay out of sight… and when he was sad, she was sad too.

“Yes… very sad.” Ye Tianxie raised his head, looked at Guoguo, and answered her softly. His eyes were noticeably dull. Failing to save Chenxue’s life had been a blow to him — a tremendous blow.

“But why is Master sad?” Guoguo still asked it very carefully.

“Because Xue’er died. I couldn’t save her.”

Guoguo moved quietly and landed on Chenxue, eyes blinking and blinking, and looked for quite a while before she said, “But Master, she hasn’t died yet… She still has life in her.”

Ye Tianxie was blank for a moment, and then smiled bitterly. “When a person has lost consciousness entirely, it does not mean the body has already died completely. Dying is a slow process — the life force drains away until none is left… Her remaining life force is disappearing fast, but it can no longer bring her back. Her state is the same as death.”

“Mm…” Guoguo tipped her small face up and looked at the grief Ye Tianxie had buried deep in his eyes. It was an expression she had almost never seen, and it made her feel as if something were pressing down inside her, very heavy, very heavy indeed.

“Master, why does it make you sad that she died?” Guoguo asked what was a very foolish question.

“Because once she is dead, she will never move again, and I will never hear her voice again, and I will never see her again. It is like… if I died, would Guoguo be sad?”

Faced with this question, Guoguo blinked and tilted her head and thought for quite a while, and then began nodding, once and once again. “Mm, I think I would. Because if Master couldn’t move and couldn’t talk… there would be nobody to buy Guoguo candy, and nobody to keep Guoguo company.”

Ye Tianxie: “…”

“Then, if she woke up, would Master not be sad any more?” Guoguo asked yet another question that sounded even more foolish.

The girl in his arms still held the last of her warmth, and it let him feel that she was still there… a last sense of her being present. He held her closer, and said softly, “If she could wake up, I would be grateful to heaven’s plan for the first time in my life… But Guoguo, a dead person cannot be brought back. Never, never can…”

“But, but she hasn’t died yet, so she could be brought back.” Guoguo looked at Chenxue for a while longer and tilted her small head to the side.

“She is already dead.” Ye Tianxie shook his head slowly, and it was a pain like needles in his heart. Though the last life force had not drained away entirely, she could never wake again… On the Earth, this is already death.

“Yee-yaa! Master is being silly! Guoguo said she hasn’t died and she hasn’t died, Guoguo is the very cleverest and she doesn’t make mistakes… Ah! Master, if she could wake up and you wouldn’t be sad… why won’t Master make her wake up?”

“Because once a person has died, it isn’t possible to bring them back to life.” At any other time questions like Guoguo’s, which sound about as idiotic as questions get, would certainly have worn his patience through… or driven him to the edge of losing it entirely. But now he stared blankly ahead of him and answered them as if he were a machine, because Chenxue’s death had dealt him too great a blow… second only to Xian’er’s leaving. Because this was once again a person who mattered to him, gone in front of his eyes.

“Huh? Master clearly can make her wake up, so why would Master say he can’t?” A look of deep puzzlement and curiosity came onto Guoguo’s face — and it seemed not to be put on at all.

“Make her wake up?” Ye Tianxie’s gaze moved to Guoguo, and he repeated what she had said without meaning to.

“Yes… huh, huh, huh? Can it be that Master doesn’t know himself? Big sister told me — if a perfectly ordinary person has been very badly hurt, or is about to die, but there is still just one tiny last breath of life in them, Master can make them well again. Only… only it would be a little bit painful.” Guoguo thought back, and said it with certainty.

Ye Tianxie was blank for a moment. In that instant the look of dead ash vanished from his eyes. He seized Guoguo in one hand and asked urgently, “Guoguo… what you just said is true? Tell me… what is the method? Tell me quickly—”

“Ahh ahh ahh ahh — it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts — waaah! Master… you’re hurting me… wuu wuu… WUU WAAH!!”

Ye Tianxie’s sudden movement startled her, and the pain came on top of it, and Guoguo burst out crying at the top of her lungs, the tears that came whenever they pleased flowing down without any need to work up to them. Ye Tianxie quickly let go and held her carefully in his open palm, and after a long and painful silence he comforted her in the gentlest voice he had. “Guoguo, I was wrong. I didn’t mean to, just now. I shouldn’t have hurt you… Would you please stop crying?”

Every time Guoguo cried, his words of comfort went around and around the same few sentences. Because before he met Guoguo he had had absolutely no experience of taking care of small children.

“Wuu… wuu wuu… he bullied me again… he bullied me again… Master is the worst, the very worst… wuu wuu…” Guoguo wiped at the tears that were coming faster and faster with her small hand, and cried harder.

“Guoguo is the best and most obedient. Don’t cry, don’t cry…”

“I won’t listen, I won’t listen! Master bullied Guoguo again…” Guoguo cried and cried and would not be appeased, and her aggrieved tears quickly soaked all the way through Ye Tianxie’s palm.

“Then… shall we get Guoguo lots and lots of chocolate tonight, even better than lollipops? All right?”

Sure enough, the moment Ye Tianxie said this, Guoguo’s crying dropped off sharply. She sniffled, and looked up at him through her tear-wet eyes. “Is… is that really true?”

“Mm, of course it is.”

“Then… lollipops too.”

“All right.”

“And… and Master has to take a bath with Guoguo tonight.”

“All right…”

“Tonight Master has to let Guoguo wrap her arms around his neck when they sleep.”

“All right…”

“And…”

“…”

A string of unequal treaties signed, Guoguo finally stopped crying at last. Still pouting, though, with a faint blush on her small face, and several small clear teardrops still hanging from her long lashes.

“Guoguo, tell me quickly — what is the method to wake her up?” Ye Tianxie lifted Chenxue and asked urgently. What Guoguo had said was plainly this: as long as the life force has not drained away entirely, she can be woken. Which meant that once it had drained away entirely she would be truly dead, and there would be no possibility at all… As absurd as this sounds, Ye Tianxie chose to believe it… because Guoguo herself is a something-out-of-a-fairy-tale sort of existence. Many things a three-year-old already knows she does not know; yet she knows far more than ordinary people do.

Guoguo scrunched up her nose, wiped away the last of her tears with one small hand, and then tipped up her face and chewed on her finger, working to remember as she said, slowly, “… mm, I remember it now. It’s dragon blood — and dragon essence. Either one can do it.”

“Dragon blood? Dragon crystal?” Ye Tianxie was astonished… What did that mean? The dragon’s blood and the dragon’s power stones? How could he have anything like that on him?

“Yee-yaa! That’s right, Guoguo is absolutely sure she hasn’t gotten it wrong. Dragon blood — that’s Master’s blood. Dragon essence — that’s Master’s… essence fluid.” At that she ran into a word she could not quite pin down, and a look of puzzlement came over Guoguo’s face as she turned to Ye Tianxie. “Huh? Master, what is essence fluid?”

“!@#$%…” Ye Tianxie’s face went rigid for a full three seconds before he lowered his voice. “Guoguo, who told you this?”

“Big sister, big sister told me… But I won’t tell Master big sister’s name. Ah, Master still hasn’t told Guoguo what essence fluid is… Is it something you can eat?” Guoguo, a little bundle of curiosity, looked at him with innocent, longing eyes and pressed on.

“… Yes. You can eat it.” Ye Tianxie said it with no expression at all, pulling a quiet fast one on this greedy little creature.

“Huh? Is it good? Big sister said dragon essence is a very powerful thing — one drop of dragon essence is worth more than a hundred drops of dragon blood, big sister said dragon essence can be eaten… Ah! Something that powerful must be delicious… Master, could Guoguo have just a tiny bit of — your essence fluid? Just a tiny, tiny bit… Big sister said it’s very precious.” Guoguo, who had a deep curiosity about every single thing that could be eaten, swallowed a secret swallow and looked at Ye Tianxie with yearning eyes.

“…” Ye Tianxie was very nearly at the end of his rope.

(End of Chapter 279)